Cutting the cheese

Dear Scold,

I have bought a Halaal goat soup franchises for the county fair. The unveiled woman next to me is selling Danish cheese. Doesn't she have a duty to accomodate me and stop. If she doesn't, can I torch her car ?

Blessed Herdsman

Dear Herdsman,

I don't think you can file a human rights complaint against someone for being Danish here in Canada. Not yet, anyhow. I would chat her up and see if she has a Jewish sounding last name like "Levant" or "Steyn". If she does, fire up your fax machine. So far as I know it's considered perfectly acceptable to file any sort of human rights complaint -- no matter how groundless -- against people with Jewish sounding last names. This might make her stop selling her cheese next to you and is preferable to resorting to violence.

In the event violence becomes unavoidable for cultural or religious reasons, please don't torch her car unless you buy some carbon credits beforehand. Canada is doing a horrible job of meeting its Kyoto targets and the reckless release of more carbon into the Earth's atmosphere through an act of vandalism would only compound the issue. While I would NEVER suggest that one individual should harm another, and would indeed counsel you NOT to take this path, it should be noted that beheading someone is much less damaging to the environment than burning their vehicle.

Ta.

The Scold
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