Dear Scold
I'm in a quandary. I am a sales agent representing a number of large corporations. One of my customers is your government. During a meeting in a hotel room, I forgot a briefcase of cash as I became so excited about the potential sale of some planes. I never got the sale for the planes and I want to get my money back, but the guy now claims it was consulting fees for some spaghetti testing carnival. I am told I have to go to Germany and file my claim. I have made other commitments to invest in the new UN oil-for-grains-and-rice program, and need my money for key advertising and promotion. I am also in the process of quickly moving and consolidating my business operations to Bolivia. Germany just doesn't fit into my plans. Please help.
Grounded in Toronto
Dear Grounded,
This sounds like a rather onerous way to make a living. Why not just file human rights complaints like everyone else? All it takes is a bit of trolling on Web sites owned by people you don't like followed by five minutes of paperwork. You don't even have to show up during the process so it's the ultimate work from home job.
Given how easy and profitable this is, I can't understand why you'd go to all this effort of reclaiming money from your old business partner. Besides, the money is probably long gone. I bet he used it to buy more shoes for his wife.
Ta.
The Scold
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2 comments:
If I might interject here Scold, and add one salient point I'm sure escaped your sage wisdom for a moment.
If Mr. Grounded wanted the government agent to recognise his cash "offering" as a "donation" to encourage the proper choice of a vendor for government planes, it should have been presented in the formal and traditional packaging for such "donations"; that being the traditional brown manila envelope or stout paper bag (in the case of heftier "donations")
Suitcases of cash are more the style of international trade committees and foreign service corps info gathering.
If Mr. Grounded's contact was from Federal procurement and contracting it is understandable he misread the purpose of the cash "donation" by the kind of packaging used.
Brown manila envelopes are the standard protocol for Liberal politicians. With Conservatives, protocol clearly dictates that all funds should be funneled through the regional candidate to the PM using an "in and out" scheme.
Ta.
The Scold
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