I wash my hands of this

Dear Scold

I am preparing for court regarding a lawsuit I filed. I must appear in discoveries next week and defend my claim which is all over the map. The defendant's lawyers have sent me a long list of questions that I best not answer directly. Can I claim that "I don't recall" for all 157 questions? Or should I also vary my answer with "I don't remember"?

A friend of a friend of mine told me to say that the evidence I used originated with the defendant in the broadest sense of the word. I'm thinking I may want to object to the relevance of these questions as well.

What do you find works best?

Dodge Ducking

Dear Dodge,

I'm sad to say that Canada's archaic court system is nowhere near as progressive as your standard human rights tribunal and this approach will not work. Worse, it will work against you as you can be held in contempt of court if you refuse to answer questions as directed by the judge.

The best option is to dodge discovery on the grounds of severe illness. I recommend ordering takeout from the McDonalds at South West Marine Drive in Vancouver. Eat as much of it as often as you can during the trial. No lawyer wants to cross-examine a plaintiff who is projectile vomiting like Linda Blair, which is what will most likely happen if you follow my advice. Barring that, you could always flee to a non-extradition country.

Good luck with the court case!

Ta.

The Scold
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