The angry vagina

Dear Scold,

I suffer from painful vaginal warts. They hurt so bad today I couldn't concentrate at work. My boss yelled at me for screwing up and he threatened to fire me. I'm too ashamed to see a doctor about this. Can you recommend a cream or something? They really burn.

Oochie Hoochie in Winnipeg

Dear Ms. Hoochie,

Your medical condition is obviously caused by the stress of patriarchal male oppression in your workplace. That, combined with continuous sexual harassment (we can be almost certain of this since there is at least one male in your office and he's unfairly been promoted to a senior position), has caused your vagina to begin rejecting itself.

Please file a complaint with the Manitoba Human Rights Commission right away. I'm sure that your warts will recede once all of your male co-workers have been issued their copy of The Vagina Monologues, forced to sit through daily lunch hour viewings of The Handmaid's Tale, and you have been awarded somewhere upwards of $10,000.00 for mental anguish.

Ta.

The Scold
--
Need advice? E-mail your questions to:
askthescold [at] gmail [dot] com