A man trapped in a woman's prison

Dear Scold

I was partying with a bunch of guys in Tequillaville, sort of running errands for them, picking up supplies and doing a bit of cooking. The Big Cahuna kicked my ass to the sidewalk one day, then he felt sorry for me and gave me 25 grand. I felt bad for him feeling bad for me and invested 10 Gs into his on-line investment business. Next thing I know, I sat at La Cucaracha Palace scratching notches for days in the window bars for 2 years (between beauty pageants and other life threatening events). That was the exact same two years those neo-cons were in power in Ottawa. Am I entitled to $10.5 million from the Canadian government too?

Guadalajara Girl

Dear Guadalajara,

The way I see it, everyone is entitled to $10.5 million from the government, unless they're one of those dirty, Bible thumping neo-cons. Speaking of neo-cons, the bastards are still in power here. I don't think you're going to have an easy time of extracting your just rewards from them.

From watching you on television, I have to say that you look like a man trapped in a woman's body. Gender reassignment through sex change surgery is an option for inmates here in Canada, but you were cruelly denied access to this "medical necessity" while trapped in Mexico's penal system. It's clearly the fault of our government for not making arrangements for you to be returned home for your surgery immediately, and a substantial reward for pain and suffering is obviously your right. I'm thinking that's worth at least ten mil, aren't you?

Start filing human rights complaints NOW! Don't wait until you're paroled -- speed is of the essence.

Have fun with your new penis!

Ta.

The Scold
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